We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
