Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
