Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
