I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
