In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
