I met the friendliest cop last night
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize