She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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