hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
