We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
