and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We got so high we made milksteak
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We were destined to go to rehab together
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
