That's intense
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
