Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
