Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
