You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
