I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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