She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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