You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
