He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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