I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
