I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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