Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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