Sponge bath it is.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
