Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
