she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
