What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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