tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
