Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
