I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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