god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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