I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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