you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
