If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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