If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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