she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
