I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
