And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize
