You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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