i just google imaged poop.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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