I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
