you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
