That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
