i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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