I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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