I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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