Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
