Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think I died a long time ago.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He better not be in your backpack
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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