Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I understand Curling. That high.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
