I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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