Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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