We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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