nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
