i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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