She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize