I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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