I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
