Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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