You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
