She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
