I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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