I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
