Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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