I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
