Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
