party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
