We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
