i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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