Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
