All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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