we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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