she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
