i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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