My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
