like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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