Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
