I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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