Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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