if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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