You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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