so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize